


um Dave angst

by AestheticalRaindrops



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda, M/M, Sadstuck, Unfinished
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:59:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22795924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AestheticalRaindrops/pseuds/AestheticalRaindrops
Summary: he cared.but Dave wasn't going to lie and say it never felt like sometimes it seemed bro really didn't.
Relationships: John Egbert/Dave Strider
Kudos: 25





	um Dave angst

**Author's Note:**

> i honestly don't know what this is and i have no idea how to even begin to end this, so instead I'm just gonna post it

Dave felt his hands shake as he stumbled into his room. His legs felt akin to jelly, his thick warm blood pouring from his nose made him cringe, the taste of iron made him gag. He had lost.

He had lost he had lost he had lost. 

and now he had been banished to his room. He never won. No, he doubted he ever would. But some days he would be able to at least keep up with his guardian. Guardian. Ha, what a joke. More like his antagonist. 

Today he had been off his game. _Very_ off his game. His best friend hadn't texted him in days. Not since... Not since Dave confessed his feelings. 

He had been so upset, so sad, so twisted about it, he had done the one thing that always got his ass kicked. He snapped at his bro. It was over something stupid. Dave thinks it might've been... Apple juice? the way Bro poured his apple juice? he wasn't sure, but before he knew it, Bro smacked him across the face.

"watch your tone little man." he had warned gruffly, but Dave's anger grew at the slap. Without plan he attacked and somehow ended up on the roof. Once the sweltering heat and the pain of blood and cuts hit him, he realized he was too late. His bro was now pissed and Dave was his main target. He couldn't escape. His head whipped around wildly and then-

**CRACK**

His nose poured blood, pain blinded him. He screamed loudly, earning him a kick to the stomach. "man up. You can do better." 

Dave shakily rose to his feet, grabbing the shitty sword thrown on the cracked concrete. He winced in pain. Everything hurt. It really fucking hurt. He felt the tears and the sobs rise in him, but he wouldn't let them out. Not in front of Bro. Only when he was alone. 

It was easy to say he had got his ass handed to him. 

He sat on his bed, still shaking. He wasn't going to be eating after failing that badly. he knew that was a fucked punishment, but.. If he couldn't stand his ground, then maybe he _didn't_ deserve food. He shook his head, and went over his injuries. 

A sprained ankle from badly dodging ("i taught you better!"), cuts and scrapes from fighting in general (sharp shades and sharper eyes), a rather deep cut thanks to a sloppy parry ("pathetic. You don't remember anything I've taught you."), and of course his nose ("watch your tone little man.").

Dave really hoped it wasn't broken. Bro had never actually broken any of his bones but... He wouldn't put it past him. 

A buzz in his pocket made him jump and his heart leap. Was it John..? But no. It was only Rose. 

[TT] Dave. Are you okay? 

weird

[TG] yeah why do you ask  
[TT] John told me. 

"fuck." dammit Egbert. Of course the dork would go and spout off to Rose. 

[TG] okay and  
[TG] its whatever lalonde  
[TG] ive been rejected before it's not the end of the world 

But it was the end of the world. John was his world. John's what kept him going. Their stupid midnight promises of Dave coming to visit in Washington and John coming to Texas to experience real heat kept Dave waiting happily for the next night. All of their stupid back and forth's about what movies are good and bad kept him interested in the next big blockbuster. John's stupid smile on their videocalls made him keep his appearance. You'd never know when Egbert would want to call. John was everything.

and he had fucked it up. 

[TT] I seriously doubt that's how you actually feel Dave.   
[TT] we both know the truth about your feelings.   
[TT] you love him. He keeps your running. His interest in movies makes your interest in music stronger because you want to provide the soundtracks to his screen-writes, however terrible they may be. Your constant calls keeps you and your room clean. Your promises make you want to hang on long enough to see them fulfilled. Am I right?

yes. Of course she was right. Rose is always right about everything. 

[TG] hell no wtf lalonde  
[TG] no way id actually be in love with the egderp  
[TG] i mean yeah hes my best bro and everything but its not like hes the only thing i have going for me or anything  
[TT] Are you positive about that Dave? Even me and Jade come nowhere close to the closeness of you and John. We've all been friends for approximately the same amount of time, and yet you and John are bonded just that much closer to each other. Is it really wrong of me to assume that he is a rather strong tether to your everyday life that we both know is rather filled with strife?   
[TT] Tell me Dave, have you even told him about your bro yet?

Dave turned off his phone and threw it on his desk. No. He hadn't told John about his bro, and he was kind of hoping he could keep it that way. He didn't want John to know about all his stupid angsty bullshit. He was perfectly capable of handling it. He had already roped Rose into it, he didn't want to bother John too. 

Well, time to take care of all this bullshit wounds from a bullshit strife that didn't even need to happen. Honestly.. If he had just watched his tone like Bro had said...

He shook his head and limped carefully out of his room. The bathroom was right across from his room. He would be fine. 

He flash stepped inside and shut the door quickly. His face looked pretty roughed up. He checked around for any cameras before he took off his sunglasses and stared at himself without the comforting shade of darkness. He wondered if it was normal to be this paranoid in your own home. 

Those stupid freckles he shared with his brother were still present. His stupid blond hair was still the same color as his bros. His ugly red eyes still stood out proudly and bright. He looked down at the sink and picked up an already stained washcloth. He really needed to figure out how to wash things properly seeing as using the shower was apparently not correct according to Lalonde herself. 

He wet it with warm water and began to wipe the blood from his nose. Damn, he would need a new shirt. The white of the Tee had been stained a disgusting red. As much as he loved the color, a part of him hated it. It was the ultimate irony, A color he hated so much surrounded him at every step and was in fact his self proclaimed favorite. Lalonde had tried to say it was some coping mechanism. A shield of self loathing to hide from the very self loathing of which the shield was conjured. He thought it was just ironic. 

His bro had seemed to understand that. Fueled his addiction with the color that plagued him. Bought him red shirts and red posters and red streamers and red... _everything._

And a part of him hated it. 

maybe that's the real reason Bro did it. 

The dried blood had been washed away. Dave wished it was that easy with memories. That easy with pain. 

His nose didn't seem crooked, and it didn't hurt to bad to touch it, so surely it wasn't that bad. He had an ace bandage for his ankle in his room. He washed the rest of the cuts and scrapes he found before entering back into his room hurriedly. He felt like a rabbit in a hungry lions den 

Seems like Lalonde had been blowing up his phone. 

[TT] Dave  
[TT] Dave you cannot run away from the truth  
[TT] You need to face the facts  
[TT] You're in love with him  
[TT] Dave  
[TT] Dave answer me  
[TT] you're being childish  
[TT] Answer me   
[TT] David Elizabeth Strider   
[TG] jegus rose what do you want  
[TG] a man cant go to the bathroom  
[TT] Not in the middle of a serious conversation

Dave had to snort at that. 

[TG] serious  
[TG] sure  
[TG] you sure you arent just using me for some weird therapist practice shit  
[TT] First of all, i want to go into Psychology, not Therapy and second of all it is important. Pushing down your feelings like you do can be catastrophic. You're only hurting yourself.  
[TG] id rather hurt myself than you guys

Dave winced at the truth of his own words and quickly ended the conversation with rose. Still no messages from John. 

[TG] basically what im saying man is that i really really like you  
[TG] and yes i mean that

his own words glared harshly at him. He regretted sending them more than anything. After they had been sent there were no longer late night promises. No video calls or chat logs that would stretch for miles. No blue shared with red. 

just that same ugly color, typed in those offending words. No ocean blue to drown them. the ocean seemed to have just disappeared. 

He fell back on his bed, fishing the Ace bandage from underneath his bed, wrapping his ankle almost scarily professionally. He had done this so many times by now, it was engraved in his muscle memory. Wrapping a bandage was just like writing with a pencil. He hated the fact that it did. 

Dave knew that Rose and Jade knew how to wrap bandages. Of course they did! Jade lived on an island in the middle of nowhere, of course she had to know how to take care of an injury and Rose was... well, Rose! Of course she knew about first aid shit, but John? John was just a normal kid. He'd probably fumble and wrap it too tight or too loose so it wouldn't do anything and get all tangled or cut off the circulation and then get all flustered when he was corrected but he would fix it none the less. 

Dave missed him. Dave missed him a lot. 

He sighed and grabbed his phone once more. It had been a week. a whole week and no words. 

[TG] yo man can we like  
[TG] talk

the "Last Spoken To" date glared at him. He watched with bated breath as John came online, and then deflated when he went offline once more. God why did it hurt do BAD? he was tired of hurting. He turned off his phone. This is bullshit. 

he knew John wasn't gay!! He knew this was going to happen! And then he did it anyway. He made his best bro uncomfortable and now he would never speak to Dave again. Dammit...

There was nothing he could do about it either. 

he felt himself tear up. He was alone. He let them fall. He took off his shades, the shades John had given him, and looked at them, a few teardrops hitting the darkened glass. He dropped them as his small cries turned into sobs, forcing him to cover his mouth so bro didn't hear him. His bro didn't take too kindly to him crying like this. He knew it was a sign of weakness, but he couldn't stop

Rose said that the way Bro treated him was abusive but... He kept a roof over Dave's head. Kept him fed for the most part, gave him a bed to sleep on, and gave him his turntables and bought him apple juice. He just wanted to keep Dave safe, that's why they fought on the roof and that's why the house was one living booby trap and that's why cameras littered the house. Bro cared for him. He did. He just wanted to teach Dave how to be strong like him! It was just one huge ironic joke. The fact that Bro cared so much but treated Dave like he did.... It was ironic, and Dave appreciated Irony!!! So it couldn't be abuse. Bro cared. Even if he hurt Dave, he didn't mean it. It was just to make his lil' man stronger. 

he cared. 

but Dave wasn't going to lie and say it never felt like sometimes it seemed bro really didn't. 

his phone buzzed again so he wiped his tears and picked it up. 

[EB] Honestly? i know it's been a long time and you probably hate me now, but this kinda scared me at first because....   
[EB] I feel the same way!!!  
[EB] and i didn't know how to process it  
[EB] but if the option is still open  
[EB] i think i'd really like it if you were my boyfriend :)

Dave sobbed


End file.
